bits and bobs, please

I had dreams of small towns and restaurants owned by small redheads with pixie cuts and they invited me to a party and we walked to her mansion there were black swans in the fountain and chess pieces as big as houses it got so dark and the air was damp and my arms trembling with fear hiding from the landlord in the library the carpet grazing against my knees through my socks and he had yellow shoes while he shooed out the people until they exploded into the fountain as swans and cigarette smoke trailed like a chimney through the windows of the cafe and we sat on the roof and our legs dangled over and we always peeked but fell backwards on the sofa. 

high school gym class

I remember lying on those blue vinyl mats and the way they’d feel so cool on my skin after running around the hall the sound of sneakers squeaking on the floorboards and pollock like patterns sprawled across from the rubber melting onto the wooden floor in prolific proportions and as I said we lay on the mats and I could hear everyone breathing heavily around me like their breath stemmed from a looooonnngggg corridor or bottomless pit and we wriggled our toes then the teacher would turn the fans allllllll the way up and you’d feel the sweat on your face whips of hair straying about and the lights are off and you can feel the distance between you and the ceiling that was never prevalent before and suddenly you have become so aware of the height your limbs hang in the air you notice when you look to your right a stream of white light pouring in from the outside and you squint because its big and white like a cloud full of sunlight. 

IF YOU ARE FEELING DOWN REMEMBER YOU ARE ALL FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

So how did I know it would end up like this it’s written on his lips good gracious his new miss good riddance might suffice and when i’m changing clothes at night i stop
and cut myself
out the picture.